Listen instead:
At Huwe Acupuncture, we’re grateful to have respectful relationships with several area doctors in various specialties. Many of our clients are referred to us from physicians in primary care, pain management, Lyme, and gynecology, who recognize — even if somewhat bemusedly — the benefits acupuncture provides to their patients’ well-being.
One of the benefits of being outside the mainstream medical model is that we have time to talk to our clients. We know, then, that the physicians who refer to us are some of the best when it comes to doctor-patient communication. They listen to their patients, problem-solve with them, and are open to solutions (like acupuncture!) that exist outside of their own paradigm.
We also know that, unfortunately, some of our clients don’t have functional relationships with their physicians. In fact, it’s not uncommon for doctor-patient communication to hit a number of pitfalls.
Today I want to outline a straightforward and effective method of supporting communication with your doctor. When you see your doctor as a collaborative ally, you can maximize your appointment to get the most out of your time together.
How to Talk to Your Doctor
Ideally, you and your doctor are collaborative partners in your health, and your relationship is built on mutual respect. Your health is — to use a technical term — a big deal. It affects every sphere and level of your life, and it’s not only reasonable to want a good relationship with your doctor; it’s also your responsibility.
Doctors, despite various tropes or norms that point to the contrary, are people, too. They have their own hang-ups and social difficulties, their own strengths and preferences. In some cases, they’ll be excellent communicators. In others, they may be excellent physicians and not-so-great communicators. In most cases, they’ll appreciate your efforts to enhance the efficacy of doctor-patient communication.
1. Make a List
A couple days before your appointment, write down the items you want to cover. Are there particular symptoms you want to ask about? Is there a screening you’re wondering if you should have? Is there anything weighing on your mind?
Give yourself time to jot down whatever occurs to you. Then reshape it into categories or bullet points. Put the list somewhere you won’t lose it, and add to it if more comes to mind.
2. Read Your List Aloud
Bring that thoughtfully crafted list of yours to your appointment. Tell your doctor you made a list of X items that you want to get through in your time together. Then read from it, making sure you cover everything. If there isn’t time to cover it all in that appointment, make a follow-up appointment before you leave that day.
Sometimes people are concerned that their doctor will think they’re bananas for reading from a list. In our experience, the opposite is true. Physicians — particularly primary care doctors — are balancing staggering numbers of proverbial trays. From time demands to practice dynamics to myriad patient needs to insurance mazes, these humans are busy. A prepared and forthcoming patient is a boon for a physician.
When your doctor doesn’t have to work hard on getting good information from you, they can instead focus directly on the issues themselves. This is what good doctor-patient communication does: it creates the avenues for actual interaction. You don’t have time to spend the entire appointment building the road.
3. Tell the (Whole!) Truth
For a variety of reasons, people often withhold relevant information when they’re talking with their doctors.
Sometimes people have white coat syndrome and forget what they wanted to say. This is where that list comes in handy. Other times they think I won’t mention that; it can’t possibly be related. Instead of making that determination on your own, tell the doctor everything you’re noticing that’s bothering you. Let the doctor decide if something is medically significant.
If you’re intentionally concealing information from your doctor because you don’t trust them, move directly to #5.
4. Collaborate
The exact manner of interaction between you and your doctor will be your own. You might have a back-and-forth conversation as you go through your list. Your doctor might listen to everything and then ask questions. It doesn’t much matter what the doctor-patient communication looks like as long as it’s built on reciprocity, collaboration, and mutual respect.
Whether you’re facing a major disease process or are figuring out how to manage life’s demands in a new season, your physician can help you draw the map.
5. Repair or Replace
If your doctor continually puts you off, rushes you, or doesn’t respectfully acknowledge your concerns, don’t let it slide. Name it. See if you can readjust or recalibrate your interactions. Tell your doctor that you’re not feeling heard, and that feeling heard is important to you.
If you aren’t able to repair your relationship with your doctor, it may be that you need a new one. Some people are reluctant to change doctors. There can be many reasons for this — some better than others.
Remember that it’s your right to have a physician who advocates for and with you. When it comes to primary care medicine, fit is really important. This is a person you’ll be seeing for years, a person who’s the gatekeeper of your referrals and who influences in large part the trajectory of your healthcare.
Sometimes switching doctors is easier said than done. Insurance-based medicine1 is not renowned for its flexible, patient-centric, physician-deferential care. It may be, depending on your level of access and privilege, that you have very little choice regarding what healthcare professionals you can see. In such cases, you can sometimes see a different doctor within the same practice without jeopardizing your insurance benefits.
The point is, wherever you can exercise choice and agency, please do. Your health depends on it.
by Mary Beth Huwe
These writings are an exploration of what it means to be human – to be sick, to be well, and to heal – viewed through the lens of classical Chinese medicine. My words aren’t medical advice, and these essays don’t constitute a practitioner-client relationship. They also aren’t meant to be the final word on… well, anything. Rather, I hope they are the beginning of a conversation you have with someone in your life. Thanks for reading!
Footnotes
- Insurance-based medicine is what we call the current, pervasive, US medical paradigm in which the insurance company commonly overrides the physician’s medical decisions. ↩︎
